Imagine a married couple with children. They both work. The children were young and required the attention that young children normally require. Both parents were stressed about their jobs and their responsibilities. They saw each other in the morning and evening and were exhausted and often preoccupied when they went to bed. The conversations tended to be about the nuts and bolts of handling their children and their lives. They discussed who was going to do what the next day or at times, discussed their successes and reversals at work.
The wife went to the gym every day. It was important to her and she liked how it made her feel and the compliments she got from her friends and co-workers. She felt exercise was an important part of who she was. At some point after thinking about the situation for a while the wife decided that she wanted to compete in a figure competition for bodybuilding. She discussed this with her husband who was supportive of the commitment that it would take from her.
Because of the decision to compete, she spent more time at the gym and began to work out with a group of men who also were figure competitors. She saw these men every day. At the beginning the conversations with these men became about working out, exercises, nutrition, supplementation, posing – all the myriad of subjects pertinent to competition. However, as time passed and familiarity increased, the conversations became more familiar and eventually becoming more personal. The subjects often became family, wives and husbands and work subjects.
The wife and the husband had the typical disputes and disagreements that come about during a marriage. Everyone has these arguments. However, whenever the wife raised the disputes with her workout friends these men, some perhaps motivated by their attraction for her, would tell her that she was right, that she shouldn’t have to take that kind of behavior from her husband. They would validate her position in the argument to the detriment of her husband. Of course, the stories the wife told, tended to be told in a biased manner. The wife was attractive and not too many men are always completely honest and critical when faced with a beautiful woman. Men are men and there is a reason that sex sells. Not all men and women are chivalrous or moral when it comes to sexual attraction.
Thus, we have a situation where the wife was getting negative communication at home and positive communication from a group of men. Who knows what those men might want from the woman?
Recognize this situation. Recognize that your “emotional friend” of the opposite sex does not live with you. They do not deal with you when it comes to your children, finances and the at times caustic issues that make up a marriage. Your emotional friend’s perception is biased both by their friendship and their potential attraction to you. These relationships are seductive and at times based upon an illusion. You may be led to make poor decisions biased upon a biased and potentially false narrative about you and your relationship circumstances. If you find that you are having the kinds of conversations with others that you normally should be having from your spouse – there is a problem. Do your best to fix it with your spouse before it is too late.