At some point during the divorce process, you should ask yourself, “Who am I?” Divorce eventually makes you ask that question. You must figure out the person who you are going to be during the divorce. You set sail on a voyage of self-definition. You ask yourself, what kind of person you are going to be when you confront at times unbearable emotions and yet, you must find a way to make the emotions bearable. Every day you find out exactly who you are because every day is a new chance for self-definition. This day, will you become the angry person filled with vengeance, telling your friends and children what a horrible human being your ex-spouse is? This day, are you the person whose anger makes them into a person who is unrecognizable? Every day is a new choice and a new opportunity. Met with failure on all the other days – overwhelmed by sadness and anger – this new day, is a new opportunity for self-definition. This is the opportunity to find and project your best self – even if on the inside all you feel is turmoil.
Do you become the best version of yourself today? Do you treat this difficult situation as a leadership opportunity today – instead of feeling like you are in hell? Today do you make the choice to lead your children, your parents, your friends to a better version of your future. Having this kind of self-control requires something greater than mere emotional strength. It takes the ability to step outside your sense of righteousness and anger and prevent your lesser self from winning. Forget about how you acted yesterday and make a different choice today. Take control of yourself, of your life and your feelings.
You do of course have a lesser self that may have emerged unwittingly on other days. That is the person who allows the road rage of divorce to take control. That person does not comprehend consequences. That person does not have to define you. Breathe. Work every moment to be your best self. Work every moment to become the person that you admire. Divorce can be the road to your best self if you have the courage to follow that road.