There are many different processes that result in a custody order. The simplest is an agreement by the parties regarding the nature and time each parent spends with the children or child. The other avenues typically include decisions by settlement masters, conciliators, arbitrators or judges depending on the rules for your jurisdiction. One of the key questions is what to ask for in a custody order.
When considering the content of the order you should consider time, method of change of custody, travel, transportation, events and health requirements. Obviously not all custody orders are going to be specific, but where the divorce and custody is heated and contentious, the more specific the custody order is, and the more delineated the responsibilities are, the easier it will be. A more specific order cuts down on arguments and frustration.
Obviously the first issue is time spent with the child. The Courts typically count an overnight stay as a “day” in custody in the order unless otherwise specified. There are many different methodologies to achieve the amount of custody from week on week off, to a five / two arrangement or perhaps a weekend only arrangement. Remember to ask the Court for what you want and what fits your realistic schedule. It is important to have forethought in this determination because what is best for a three-year-old is not the same for a nine year old in terms of school, activities and overnights. Consider the future ramifications. It is wise to keep in mind that it is easier to have the children and quality time on the weekends when one is not overwhelmed by work.
The second issue is change of custody. This can be a very significant and important issue that we dealt with in a previous post. If your divorce was contentious or there is a PFA, custody changes can be a significant difficulty. If there is a fear of bodily harm, it is best to make the exchange in a public place, such as a library, convenience store or shopping mall. If not a drop off at the home may be possible. It is important to choose a place and time that works. I normally advise parents to make sure they pan for eventualities. For example, the custodial change time on school or day care days can be at the end of the school day. On non-school days or for very small children it could be determined to be at 5:00pm.
This leads to transportation responsibilities. Older school age children who have custody changes during the week typically can just take the bus or walk between parents. However, on non-school days or with younger children who is responsible for driving. Assign responsibility for transportation. There is almost no issue that causes more disagreement than which parent is responsible for transporting the child from location to location. Be specific about the when, where and who is responsible for driving,
One of the other huge difficulties is travel and vacation. The amount of vacation time should be allotted and there should be a sentence indicating that both parents allow the other parent to transport the child out of state or out of country during specifically mandated vacation times. Moreover, the parties should be compelled to notify the other party months in advance about the specifics of the vacation. What times, flights, hotels, locations, anything that makes both parents comfortable with the safety and security of the children. Moreover, if the child has sporting events that potentially conflict with the vacation the importance of the sporting event needs to be discussed or prioritized in the order. Some children are talented and highly advanced in their sports and may have travel team or championship games which are scheduled during the year and the right to take them to these locations for the sporting event should be agreed to and prioritized depending on the needs of the parties and the desire of the child. Remember that wrestling, swimming, tournaments and other events can be very time consuming and expensive.
Events also need to be planned for including school related, sports related, family related and religious events. This includes holidays and holiday travel and plans to see family. You should delineate this ability especially if a party has parents that live a significant distance away. Typically, the parties switch off on holidays based upon even or odd years. Obviously, the parties can agree on any arrangement they want, but remember to be specific about when the children need to appear for the holiday depending upon what your specific family values. If the child needs to be at your house at 1:00pm to make the drive to the grandparents in time for dinner, you need to have that clarified.
Finally, it needs to be stated that both parents are responsible for taking the children to health provider appointments. Where there is a primary parent or weighted legal custody, usually one parent makes the arrangements – but if therapy and doctors’ visits are needed on both parents’ time, it needs to be stated that the custodial parent must plan to have the child go to get the necessary treatment. This can become very complex where psychological, developmental and physical diagnoses require steady treatment. Again, be as specific as possible and clarify whose duty it is to transport the children to the appointments.
These are the most important parts of any custody order. The take away here is that the order must plan for the eventualities which you may face during the vagaries of custody. A bit of forethought can really save major headaches in the future.