Trying to be a better person when you are in the middle of the horror of a divorce is perhaps the most difficult personal challenge an individual will face in their entire life. Having self-control is made even harder when there are children involved.
I remember being so angry. I would get home from work and the kids would be there and I would be ready to blow, still jacked up from arguing in Court (I’m an attorney) and fighting the divorce. I was overwhelmed and I would try to sit alone some place in the house and I would literally feel the stress pouring out of my body while I sat in the chair. It was like a toxic black cloud pouring out of me as I relaxed. When I was done, I was ready to handle my children with a semblance of calm and humor. As I look back on it now I see my sitting in a chair alone and relaxing as what can be referred to as a washing maneuver.
I coach football and during games players make mistakes. It is inevitable at every level of the sport. It is important to forget the mistakes made and move on to accomplish what is needed during the next play. One of the things we teach the young players to help them mentally overcome a mistake, is what we call a washing maneuver. This can be any physical and mental action that lets you calm yourself and forget what has just happened. One of the physical and mental actions we teach is to have the player dust himself off as a washing maneuver – taking the old play – the mistake and washing it away.
Remember you will make mistakes with your ex. You will allow your emotions to run away from you and you will make mistakes with the children, doing things you should not do and saying things you should not say. You need to understand that everyone does these things. We are human and we make mistakes. Divorce drives people to a kind of temporary insanity. It is ok. You need to forgive yourself. When you make a mistake, you must come up with some way of washing your mistake away and preventing you from letting your error from effecting your next communication, contact or action.
Know that you can do this. Know that you can control your emotions no matter how hurt and wounded you may be. You can control you. Truth.