I wanted to discuss anger a bit more.
How everyone goes through the divorce process is unique. All stories are different. With some it is infidelity. Some it is growing apart. Simply put at some point something falls apart. Perhaps you weren’t right for each other from the beginning. Perhaps you grew apart. However it happens, there is always anger. Some people avoid this – but for the most part these people are rare. Falling out of love can be torture. Everyone experiences this in their own painful manner based upon the complexities of their personality.
The key is figuring out how to handle and control yourself before you cause yourself some serious problems with your irrationality. For instance, one of the typical gambits used by divorced people to compel the other party to move out of the family residence is obtaining a Restraining Order from a Court. Surprisingly even words can put you in a situation where a Court will grant an Order which will result in you being out of the house you lived in and purchased. Moreover you will likely continue to have to pay the mortgage and the housing expenses at least initially after you are forced to leave.
The moral of the story is that anger and irrationality is not your friend both in terms of handling your ex spouse. It is also not your friend in Court.
Please note that this is not a gender specific commentary. Although it can be more difficult for a male to obtain a Restraining Order it is still possible to obtain one. Generally, a woman must demonstrate a greater level of irrational and dangerous behavior for a man to obtain a restraining order – but if you need one and you are the guy, don’t be a fool – get one. It doesn’t take much strength to swing a bat or a pipe from behind or to pull a trigger. If the threats are serious then take them seriously and don’t end up a statistic. This is not meant to be sexist – it is just a reality that it is easier for women to get restraining orders.
If you feel threatened and you don’t have one already – get a lawyer.
Don’t be afraid to call 911. Looking silly is recoverable – being beaten to death by a psychotic angry ex spouse or spouse is not.
Typically, you can call your County Sherriff’s office or Courthouse and ask the receptionist where you need to go to get forms. Sometimes you need to go to the Courthouse. Sometimes you can get them on line. Fill out the forms and follow the directions for filing them. There may also be domestic violence sections of the police or Courthouse you can call for advice.
You typically get a quick hearing where you go before a hearing officer, magistrate or Judge who if they think you are providing significant cause will issue a temporary order. If the order is temporary or is contested, there can sometimes be another hearing depending on your jurisdiction. All of them are different. Most however are good with giving out information about the process.
Once you get the order ask questions about what constitutes a violation and call 911 if there is a violation. The police will be understanding but firm in enforcing the order.
Most of all, there is no excuse for domestic violence no matter how angry one gets. Stay cool. Handle your anger.