The thing that I absolutely can’t stand during the litigation of a divorce and in particular, custody, is when a parent is so emotionally involved in injuring the other parent, that they demonstrate that anger though the children. I have been in litigation, where parents have said to other parents, that they will make the children hate the other parent. In other words, they will talk badly about the other parent. They will blame the other parent for perhaps their change in financial situation or for their sadness. They will say mommy did this to me. Daddy did this to me. Daddy broke up our family.
I think it is despicable to use the children against another parent. What this means is that the desire for vengeance, deserved or undeserved, is more important than the future emotional life of the children. In other words, the rest of your children’s emotional life is less important than what you want. It is unforgivable. I see this so often in situations where the person filled with anger is not really entitled to their anger. For instance, I have seen fathers who have never worked and never contributed economically to a household, filled with fury when a mother gets sick of their failure to provide combined with emotional abuse. The father’s cushy life doing nothing is gone and they are angry and take that anger out on the mother and the children.
Don’t be that person. Children are smarter than you think. Children are more perceptive than you think. I have polled innumerable twenty-five year old children who are products of divorce and the thing that their parents do that they hate the most is talk demeaningly about the other parent. Do not be that person. Do not be that parent.