Cheating. Ignoring the moral issues incumbent in such situations, typically in most states if the adultery can be proven, it can be used as a cause of action for divorce and can also result in an inability of the cheating party to get spousal support / alimony. Simply put if you cheat you will have a minimal (if any) chance of getting spousal support in the Commonwealth.
This article, however, is less about the negative legal ramifications of an adulterous relationship than about the emotional consequences both to the cheater and the person who is the victim of the adulterer. Bringing a third individual into your relationship is not the answer to your problems. It will not make you happier as a person or in your marriage. In the short-term hormones take over and the bloom is on the rose and feeling like you are “in love” is addictive. But your affair will not make you happier or more satisfied as a person. Initially it may feel exiting but that will not last.
The seduction comes from behaviors that can be very typical in a marital relationship. Disagreements. Arguments. Bickering about the children. The division of labor between the parties, which always seems to be unfair in some way to one of the parties, can be a source of irritation and pain. Money can all be issue and is reportedly the cause of many marital breakups. And thus, the person that you love becomes a source of what you feel is pain and unfairness – from your perspective.
So, then you meet someone and the message you get from them is entirely positive. The new person is attracted to you. That attraction makes you feel valued. The new person tells you how great you are, not what you have not done, or what you should be doing. In comparison your spouse or significant other seems a source of criticism. This is an inevitable emotional process that no matter how open we are to our spouses, criticism or implied criticism makes us feel bad. It may even make us feel angry at the person who criticizes us – because they, of course, are not perfect either. And so, this other person seems fantastic and positive in comparison and a source of positive feelings and new physical attraction. But this feeling is a lie. The new person is not faced with making the same life decisions with you as your spouse. They do not cause or feel the same stresses or restrictions caused by a marital relationship – especially that involves children.
Then what happens when your children find out? Are you really considering the permanent damage you will do to them? Are you considering the trust issues they might develop in relationships? They are the innocents in all of this.