Don’t get bogged down in the minutia. It is easy during the divorce process to think tactically rather than strategically. What I mean by this is that you get worried over the small indignities and arguments in the divorce. Examples of this are when an ex-spouse turns up late for things, drops the kids off late, fails to properly reimburse you for expenses and in general is uncooperative over schedules. These things are of course caustic and difficult to handle in the moment. However, they are far from the important strategic issues in the divorce.
Strategic issues are for instance, getting your divorce decree! Getting appropriate support in a Court Order is also a strategic goal. Getting a good custody agreement that covers the bases needed in the agreement is another example. Getting to a point where assets can be agreeably divided and a proper Property Settlement Agreement(PSA) reached is yet another important example. These are the major tracks or issues you must confront during a divorce and thus should be your primary goal orientation. Everything else is an impediment to that process – even if it seems like each individual issue is extremely frustrating and important at the moment it occurs.
Think about it this way – wouldn’t you feel great right now if you had a signed PSA, custody and support agreement and were awaiting the Court’s final Divorce Decree? If you could have that right now would the source of your current frustration and anger seem minor? Would you put up with the minor momentary irritation to get what you want? You bet you would. Most rational people would. This whole blog is an argument for rationality and self-control!
Frankly, as a matrimonial attorney, getting constant calls and emails from clients about the relatively minor things which require attention tends to run up the cost of the divorce as well. As counsel, you end up getting caught up in the weeds, putting out one fire after the other for your clients instead of going where your client really wants to go – which is to finally get divorced. After these fires are put out for the moment, the client gets angry at you because they are not divorced yet and the cost is prohibitive – money all wasted on for example: someone who is fifteen minutes late all of the time not because they want to make you nuts – but typically, because they have always been the kind of person who was fifteen minutes late!
So, the takeaway here is think strategically about what your goal is rather than focusing on the minor battles along the way. Frankly, if you can do this you are on the road to a faster, less costly divorce and you will end up being a better, more mature person who doesn’t bother to sweat the small stuff.